My Best Friend Who I Wish Wasn't
by PurpleNurples
Summary: Best friends with a Winchester. Would it last forever? For now, mainly background info. It may take a while, before the plot ensues. Thanks ahead of time reading!
1. Chapter 1

I had known him his whole life. Actually, he had known me _my _whole life. He's four years older than me. As we got older, I looked out for him, he looked out for me. We always had each other's backs. Though I have to admit, I needed more looking out after than he did considering I was younger **and **a girl. But one thing I've always admired about him was that he never saw me as one -- meaning he never treated me differently just cause I was a girl. He was never condescending to me. But if anyone ever made fun of me for doing things "only guys can/should be doing," he'd give then a piece of him. But, actually, that never happened to much. All our friends had been there since the beginning so they never treated me any different either. They thought it was cool that I wasn't like most of the girls around town -- not too girly, but not too guyish either. I didn't have many girl friends. The ones I did have always wanted to start up drama so I let them; now, we're not so close. I don't mind it though. It's fun having all guy friends. There's never any drama. Just always happy about life and enjoying life. I like it that way. But even if there was "drama" between any of us, it'd always go down the way guys did it -- hate each other one day, then the following hour, we were best friends again. But, honestly, we never had to worry about that. Things were always cool between us. I liked it that way. I never had to worry about ruining our friendship because we both knew that no matter what, we'd be there for each other. Though we never said it, it was understood. No matter what happens, we'd be friends forever. Yeah, I was four years younger, but he didn't care. He thought of me as his little sister, I thought of him as my big brother. I was his best friend. He was mine. And I couldn't ask for a better one.

His name?

Dean Winchester. 


	2. Chapter 2

I still remember the first time our friendship began. Actually, it had always existed. He started taking care of me when I was born…kind of…he was only four years old at the time. But how did we end up friends? That's kind of a long story in itself. So let me give you the somewhat shorter version.

The friendship start off with our dads. John Winchester had know my father since early elementary school, but it wasn't until later in middle school that they became best friends. Then, after they graduated, they went to the marines together. Then, they both met their wives in college. Funny thing is, their wives were best friends too. Isn't that crazy? Our whole family is made up of best friends hooking up.

Anyways, the dating didn't go on for too long. After five months, they all felt like it was time to get married. When they told me their wedding story, I, personally thought it was kind of quick. But hey, after growing up with practically two sets of parents, I can see why they felt like they couldn't wait a couple years before getting married. The love that they share for one another just seems stronger as each minute goes by. It's really admirable and adorable…when they don't do any of that mushy stuff that should be kept behind closed doors in front of me.

John and Mary were married first before my parents. Then my parents did too, a month later. It wasn't long after our parents were married that our dads were called out back to duty. It sucked for them because they just started their lives together. But John and my dad always loved what they did in their unit. The two of them were one of the best marines in their unit. At least that's what their commanders said…but they never liked to admit it. But we knew it was the truth.

John and my dad left our moms for several months, but not before spending another good night with them, getting all mushy and stuff…if you catch my drift. If you don't, you'll get what I'm talking about soon. They were gone for about 7 or 8 months. They saw a lot of crazy things out there…stuff they never wanted to repeat. Most of the things they did, they weren't too proud of, but it had to be done. But the worst part of everything else was that out of their whole unit, John, my dad, and four other guys were the only ones who survived. They all tried to help their friends out, but they said there was too much firepower over there. Like I said, they never wanted to repeat it, so they didn't give us too many details. That's the main reason why we don't really know why they were there in the first place. They just did what they had to do, and that was that. They six of them received medals during a ceremony for the superb job they did.

When they came home, Mary had a surprise John. I think you guys can kinda catch what I'm talking about now. Yup…Mary was pregnant with Dean. So Dean was like John's welcome home present. My parents weren't able to get pregnant at the time for some reason, but they were okay with it. They were just so happy for John and Mary that didn't even really care too much about it. They were all happy.

A month later, on January 24, 1979, my best friend, Dean Winchester, was born. 


	3. Chapter 3

Things were going great for the Winchester family. As far as John and Mary were concerned, Dean was the best Christmas/New Year's gift they could ever get. He was born a month after Christmas but Dean's birth still made it seem like Christmas to them. My parents joined in with John and Mary's happiness too. John had made my parents Dean's godparents, but it was really more like a second set of parents. That's how it felt like to us...it's like we were really just one big family. The differences in DNA didn't matter to us. We were family, and that was that.

My parents enjoyed taking care of Dean, watching him grow up and be a goofy kid. But after a few years, the feelings of disappointment started to form. They weren't jealous or mad at John or Mary whatsoever. They just wish that they could have a child of their own too. Although they had joy being second parents to Dean, they didn't really know what it felt like to be real parents...to actually have a human being come from your womb. As much as they loved Dean, they hoped and hoped that they could have their own child. And well, that's where I came in.

Almost four years after Dean was born, my own mother finally became pregnant with me. It was a long wait for my parents, but they were really glad the time had finally come. At first, they had contemplated about adopting a child instead since they kept trying and trying but they couldn't have a child. But then they realized that even if they did adopt, they still wouldn't really be able to feel the joy that Mary and John felt. So, they decided to give it a shot one more time. And the shot pulled through. And apparently, John and Mary gave it another shot too. Mary was pregnant the same time as my mom. So once again, feelings of joy and happiness filled the air.

On May 2, my parents and the Winchesters decided to have a family's day out. Dean had little league baseball so they decided they would have their little get together afterwards. They went to Dean's T-ball game. The game was fun and everything but it was a little disappointing too because Dean's team was losing by the last inning. They had a 7 point lead initially. Dean's team was up again and it was up to Dean to take his team home. He got up to the batting area and waited for the pitch. Even at age four, Dean had a strong arm from all the practice and training John had taught him. John would always play catch with Dean, whether it was for football or baseball. That's where Dean learned to have a better arm. John taught the the right way and strong way to throw and bat. The pitcher threw the ball and "WHAM!" Dean hit the ball hard, leading his team to victory with a homerun. 

As soon as Dean hit the ball, all four adults jumped off their seats on the bleachers and yelled and cheered Dean on. Dean was the happiest of all. As soon as he hit the ball, he dropped the bat and set his mind on one thing: running to home plate. Not once did he turn back. He knew that if he checked to see where the ball was and how close the opponents were to it, he'd lose his concentration. Yeah, he was only four. But even then, he was one smart kid. The four adults and Dean's teammates all kept yelling for him to "run home," and that was exactly what he did. He ran home and gave his team the win for the season. His coach congratulated him and all Dean's teammates were praising him saying what an awesome player he was. Even the parents of the other kids said Dean was one of the best players. Of course, nothing made Mary and John more prouder. After the game, Dean ran over to his parents.

"Daddy! I did it!"

"I know you did, Son." John said as he picked him up and hugged Dean tightly. "I'm so proud of you." 

Dean smiled at his father.

"Good job, baby," Mary said. "Once your brother is born, you have to teach him how to hit like you."

"Hey Dean, you want some ice cream?" My dad offered. "I think you deserve whatever kind you want."

And who wouldn't want ice cream? So of course, Dean jumped for joy.

They were all getting ready to head to the car to go get Dean's ice cream when Mary suddenly stopped. John looked at her worried.

"Mary, what's wrong?"

"Uh," she said as she held her stomach, "I think my water just broke."

Immediately, John seemed to panic. Even after Dean, he still couldn't seem to get used to Mary going into labor. He was a marine and he was supposed to be tough, but somehow, when it came to Mary and his family, he always seemed to go weak at the knees.

My dad basically read the panic on John's face. "It's alright, bud." He said. "I'll drive. Dean, you help your father get your mother into the van." 

Dean nodded, a little worried too.

My dad drove. The Winchesters in the back and my mom beside him. Mary seemed to begin to panic from the pain, causing my parents to start worry about her as well.

"You alright, Mary?" my mom asked, very worried.

All Mary did was nod, while holding tightly onto John. They continued to drive toward the hospital, when from all the excitement, I guess I decided I wanted to come out just then too. 

"Uh-oh." she said.

"'Uh-oh' what?" he glanced at her as he tried to keep his eyes on the road.

"I think mine just broke too."

"Jeez," my dad cried out, starting to panic too. "Ok, ok, ok. Um, uh, hospital's five minutes away. You ladies just hang on."

When they finally arrived at the hospital, John and my dad were in such a hurry to help our mothers get in that they almost forgot about Dean. My father, not thinking straight at the moment, got out of the car ready to help my mom out, when he realized, the moment he stepped off the brakes, the car began to roll. It was only then when my mom called his name that he realized he had forgotten to switch the gear into Park. John and my dad got out of the car, helping their wives out, not even bothering to close the door of the van. They were already inside when Dean was still trying to catch up to them.

The men were greeted with nurses and doctors who at first thought that they were madmen by all their panicked yelling. But then they finally caught on why they acted that way. Ladies going into labor usually had that effect on men for some reason.

The nurses assited the ladies into the wheelchairs and wheeled them away, leaving my dad and John dazed in the hallway.

Dean, who finally caught up with them, still had no idea what was going on. He kind of understood but kind of didn't. But at that moment, all he could think about was one thing. So he came to John and tugged at his hand. John looked down at him.

"Dad, are we still gonna get ice cream?"


	4. Chapter 4

John wanted to go ahead and join Mary in the labor room as my dad went to join my mom. Dean was too young to go inside so after John got him an ice cream bar from one of the hospital vending machines, he left him in the waiting room while he went to Mary.

It was intense at both rooms. It was John's second time so he knew what to expect. But my dad...(laughs), guess he didn't. He just tried his best to stay calm and support my mom even though his heart was going a thousand miles an hour. He was so nervous and so excited at the same time. All he could think of doing to support my mom was talking to her. So he basically gave her a commentary on what was going on, which seemed to put both of them at ease. The talking to her and holding her hand definitely helped out my mom.

Now, I don't know what happened with the Winchester's room but I do know one thing: both rooms had their share of screaming ladies who couldn't help but squeeze the life out of their husbands' hands. But at least those hands were the hands of marines, so they could handle the grip of anything. The ladies were just relieved to have their loving husbands be there to support them during the time. And being witnesses of the birth brought tears to each adults' eyes as their hearts were filled with joy. My parents were happiest the most. They finally understood and knew what it felt like to actually have a child of their own and love her as soon as she came out. They knew instantly that nothing could ever compare to the joy they felt at that very moment.

Well, I came out first, before Sam. So I always like to brag how I'm older than he is even though it was only by a few minutes. But he likes to refute and say technically, he's the older one since Mary went into labor first. Yeah, right! Like that reasoning works. Anyways, all I'm saying is, I just think it's plain weird how everything happened. I mean, what are the odds that me and Sam would be born on the exact same day at practically the exact same time. I think that's just plain crazy. But I guess we've all had our share of that. But even that situation threw my parents off; no way did any of them expect it to happen that way.

Once me and Sam were born, the doctors got us cleaned up and then asked the men to kindly exit as they help the ladies to the recovery room. My mom said my dad looked pretty pale but she was proud of him for being so strong for her. She said she really needed and wanted him to be there and she was so happy he was.

My dad and John left their respected room and joined each other in the lobby as they did the paperwork. They asked each other how it went and congratulated one another. Once they finished, they bothjoined Dean in the waiting room. He looked completely bored out of his mind when they saw him. He was sitting on the chair, alternating switching his feet back and forth as he looked down at them, holding the stick from his ice cream bar in one hand. John smiled as he entered the room with my dad following behind him.

"Hey buddy." John said.

Dean looked up. "Daddy!" He stopped swinging his feet and ran to John, who picked him up. "What took so long?"

"Well I had to go help your mother with Sammy, your little brother."

Dean's eyes widened with excitement as he realized that he was now a big brother.

"Can I go see him now?"

"Not yet. The doctor's will get us when it's time. Hey, what do you say we go get you another ice cream bar before you go see your brother."

"Okay," Dean smiled and nodded.

"I'll wait here for you guys," my dad added.

John nodded and headed out the waiting room with Dean. When they returned, the doctor was already in the room with my dad, giving him the condition of his wife and how well they both did. John talked to the doctor for a bit about Mary as Dean continued to suck at his ice cream. As John talked to the doctor, my dad came over to Dean and squatted beside him.

"You ready to see your baby brother, sport?" my dad asked, smiling as he watched Dean inhale his ice cream.

Dean, with ice cream dripping from his mouth, looked up at him and smiled widely and nodded. Then the three of them followed the doctor to go see their newborn children and their wives.


	5. Chapter 5

Since the day Sam and I came home from the hospital, Dean's always been looking out for us. He takes his big brother role seriously…even with me. I guess I think it's cool that even though he and Sam aren't really my brothers, in a way, they are…especially after Aunt Mary passed died. Well, Uncle John said she was killed by something in Sammy's room when he was six months old. I don't really know what they meant…I think everyone but me knew the whole truth. I guess cuz I was a girl, they didn't want me to know. I don't know. But what I'm tyring to say is that me, Sam and Dean started really feeling like siblings shortly after Aunt Mary passed. John was gone a lot for some reason…I don't know why though. But Sam and Dean lived at our house for most of that time so it definitely felt like we were siblings. We act like it. Actually, growing up, we even told people we were siblings, which actually got us into trouble a few times. Well, it wasn't that we got into trouble, it was more like people were getting confused.

Like this one time, I was in first grade and obviously, so was Sam. The first day of school, we went around the room introducing ourselves. Me and Sam were still a bit confused on the whole family/sibling thing so what we did was use each other's last name. When it was Sam's turn, he said his name was Sam Davies Winchester and when it came to me, I said my name was Rylie Winchester Davies. The teacher didn't think much of it at first. But later on, she noticed how close me and Sam seemed to be. I guess even though I was a little older than Sam, I was still a bit scared being in first grade and not knowing anyone but him. So Sam always made sure to be with me. I mean, we really did feel like siblings so we did almost everything together. We'd play together, eat together. Of course, we joined the other kids too but most of the time, we just stuck with each other. And whenever we would leave the classroom to go outside to play or to the cafeteria, we'd be holding each other's hands. It's not that we were trying to be wussies but I don't know, I guess at that age, we got so attached of having Dean around always looking out for us that without him, it felt like the two of us always had to be right next to each other; otherwise, one of us would start freaking out…usually, it was me. But can you blame me? I was a real girly-girl. But that's when the teacher started noticing and questioning some things, after the whole hand-holding thing. So she decided to talk to my parents…make sure that they were aware of what was "developing" between me and Sam at such a young age. But my parents cleared everything up. They told them that we practically were siblings since we practically did live with each other. I don't know, I think our teacher told them that she thought we were being a little too friendly with each other. I don't really know what she meant by that…I think she just had a dirty mind. All me and Sam did that day was play together like we normally did growing up. It was nothing out of the ordinary for us. And besides, how could we, being six years old at the time, even know anything about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend crap. If you ask me, I think kids at that age who think they're in love or say they have a boyfriend/girlfriend are crazy. No offense…it's just me. But then again, everyone's different…like Dean.

Dean…well, he's another story. At that same age, he had three girlfriends at the same time. Can you believe that? Apparently the guy was a player even before he could walk because I heard that even when he was a baby, mothers around the neighborhood were trying to hook up their daughters with him. With Dean? Are you serious? That's crazy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the guy as a brother and everything, but getting in a relationship with Dean, I think that's just plain nuts! I least that's what I initially thought…but boy do things change over a couple years.

As the years went by, I started seeing a different side of Dean. I admit, the guy is gorgeous but the fact that I grew up thinking of him as my brother made his gorgeousness seem gross. But I don't know what happened. It's weird. It's hard to explain. But for years, as I started to feel differently about him, I never once thought of mentioning it to him. I mean, come on! That seemed kinda gross don't you think? I don't know. For the time being, I was just glad to have him and Sam around.

But also, along with time, somehow, I started growing apart from Sam. I still love him as much as I did when I was younger. I guess it's just that we just started having difference of interests in things. Up until high school, we were still as tight as when we were little. We used to write each other stupid little notes in class just cuz we were bored. We'd either joke the teacher who'd be foaming in the mouth as he talked or make fun of the kid in front of us bobbing his head back and forth as he was falling asleep. Other times, he'd just write me a note to see what's up even though we just talked right before class started. It was the things like that that I loved so much about Sammy – the closeness we had as best friends, as siblings. He took care of me…looked out for me when Dean wasn't around. He was like a big brother even though he was younger. And I loved feeling special and protected and loved. But that all started to change. He found a girlfriend…one year younger than us. I didn't mind it, of course. I was actually happy for him. I thought they looked cute together…perfect for each other. But then she started to replace me. I mean, I understand that once you get a girlfriend, you gotta dedicate yourself to her. But I don't know…I don't think you should just start not talking to your best friend anymore because of it. Sam just became different…his personality changed, his attitude changed…everything. I just let it go. He was happy…that's all I cared about. But like I said, because of that, we kinda grew apart, which ended up making me closer to Dean. While Sammy would be on the phone with Ashley, me and Dean would hang out and talk and play video games. I loved the way he humored me even though I was so much more younger than him. But that's what I loved about him…he never once treated me differently because I was a girl or because I was younger. He loved me and Sam just the same. But Dean knew how much it did hurt me that Sam started becoming distant. So he wanted to make sure that while Sam was having fun talking to his girl, that I was still having fun hanging out with him. And I did. But then my feelings for Dean changed…and I don't know how he felt about me. I didn't want to lose what we had so I never said anything. But it always left me wondering, "what if?"…especially now…cuz now, they're both out of my life.

It sucks. I don't really know how it happened or why. It just happened. But all I do know is that it sucked. Still does.

It happened the same year me and Sam graduated. I was over Dean's house. Dean and I were just chilling in his room killing time. Dean was listening to some annoying music…well, it was annoying to me anyway. Somehow, even though we were alike in a lot of ways (Sam and Dean rubbed off on me in different areas), I could never get into his same taste in music…and neither could Sam. I guess I was like Sam in the area of music then I guess.

Anyways, we were in his room killing time when we heard the door downstairs slam followed by shouting. We both looked at each other before rushing down the stairs. I stopped midway when I realized who was doing the shouting. It was Uncle John and Sam…again. John and Sam got into it really bad. I don't really know what they were arguing about because the moment I realized it was them, I took that as a cue for me to leave. I don't know, but for some reason, I never could handle tension or shouting between people. Whenever people would argue or fight in front of me, I would cringe…unless I was the one doing the shouting/fighting. Then usually, I'd love to be a real smart-a with them (I got this trait from Dean). But yeah, I don't know why I feel that way, I just though. I'm weird.

When I heard John and Sam shouting that day, Dean and I looked at each other. I felt bad for him…I could feel the pain he was feeling. The look on his face…it broke my heart.

"Sorry," he told me. He seemed slightly embarrassed.

"Sorry?" I was confused. What was he sorry for? "For what? Dean, you don't have to apologize. It's not your fault."

"Yes it is," I heard him say.

I don't think he meant to say it out loud but he did. He never said anything and I know he'd never admit it, but I think a part of him blamed himself for what was happening to his family. It's like he blamed himself for Aunt Mary's death, and now he was blaming himself for the deteriorating relationship John and Sam had. I think he felt like that it was his duty to keep his family together…keep them from fighting. And after hearing John and Sam go at each other's throats, I think he felt like he was failing at that.

But man, the look in his eyes…I can't describe it. All I know is, I'll never forget it. But I told him that I should probably go. I figured maybe Dean should probably butt into the argument for the sake of his family. Seriously, the way Uncle John and Sam had been lately, if you kept both of them together in a room long enough, it seemed like one of them would really want to try to kill the other. Just the look alone on Sam's face toward John seemed deadly.

Dean apologized to me once more before telling me he should probably go see what it was all about. I told him to call me or just come over if he needed anything, then I left. To this day, I still don't know what the whole argument was really about. But I think my guess is semi-right when I say that it probably to do with Sam leaving off for college…because that's what happened the very next day—Sam left.

Dean and John left the following day. I didn't know why, I didn't know where to. They just left. Dean didn't really explain…all he said was that he had to go with his dad. I thought I remembered him saying something about going hunting. I'm not too sure. Besides, I thought the season for hunting was a little off, but I didn't argue. He just said he had to go. He said he wasn't sure when he'd be back…he should've said "if." At least then, maybe I could've considered telling him how I really felt. If I had know I wouldn't see him again, I would've risked it. I would've risked our friendship just to know if there was anything there between us. I thought there might be. I don't know. I wish I could've known for sure.

After he left, Sam would call every now and then to check up on me, update me on how his life was. I was glad he did it. I was glad that even though our friendship started to decline, he wanted to make sure it didn't end. He also apologized for what happened back in high school with the whole "ditching me for his girlfriend" thing. It didn't work out well by the way. Guess they weren't perfect for each other after all. But it made me happy when he told me no girl is worth losing me over; after all, I was his older sister. He tried to keep in touch as much as he could but we both kinda got busy with our own college life. But at least he still calls whenever my birthday rolls around. And it's right that he should, because he'd have no excuse for saying he forgot because mine's the same as his. But that made me happy that he did.

Dean called once in a while too…just to say hey and to say that he and John were okay. During those calls, I thought about telling him what I felt but I figured that that'd probably just make things worse. Besides, it didn't really feel right telling him over the phone. I asked him when he was coming back…he said he still wasn't sure. I guess I just help on to the hope that I would see him again soon and be able to tell him everything then.

But the calls stopped coming after the first year they left. I don't really know what happened – if they're okay, hurt, alive. I tried calling all three of them – Dean, Sam and Uncle John. But I guess they must've changed their numbers. I don't know. I still worry about them though…wondering if they're okay. Oh what I would give to see them again. I miss them so much. I miss Dean…I still think about him everyday. I can't help it. But it's been 4 ½ years since I last hear from either of them. I feel like a part of me wants to keep hanging on to the hope that they'll come back one day, because honestly, a part of me died the day they left. I mean how could it not? These guys were my family, my brothers, my best friends. And to have them just walk out like that not knowing where they are, if they're ok…it killed me. But then that other part of me said it's been too long. It's time to move on. I have new friends…good friends who are there for me. None of them could **ever** replace Dean or Sam but they're still good people. And I have one guy who's trying to get to know me but I don't really know if I want that. I don't know if I'm really ready to let go of the past. But then again, I was never able to talk to Dean about it so it doesn't really matter now right? I don't know.

After much pondering, I decided to go for it. Finally let go. It hurt that he left without a real goodbye. It hurt that he stopped calling. It hurt that I didn't know what happened to them. But I had to face the truth. It was time to accept the fact that I would probably never see my best friend again.

But, man, was I wrong!


	6. Chapter 6

I decided to let go. After almost five years with no hope, I kinda lost hope. I tried getting a hold of Sam a few times after I saw in the news about a fire in his apartment. The news said his girlfriend, Jessica Moore, was killed in the fire. I wanted to know if he was alright. I was desperate to know, but I never heard anything back, at least not from him. But I did hear from one of our mutual friends that shortly after the fire, he disappeared. Our mutual friend didn't know with who exactly but he was sure that he wasn't killed in the fire. And from there, I just assumed that Sam ran off with Dean.

After a year or so, I was thinking a lot about them again and decided to see if I could get any info about them. I had searched and researched for any kind of info about the Winchesters and I always came out empty-handed…well, except for that one article I found in the newspaper a few years ago about this incident as St. Louis.

It said that Dean was responsible for torturing and killing a young woman. Dean a killer???!!! There was no way I'd ever believe that. I'd known Dean my whole life and all those years I had known him, not once did I ever see him angry enough to want to kill people or even think about killing someone. Maybe he'd love to give them a serious beating, which he usually did, but not once did he ever show extreme hatred or even say the word "hate" to someone or threaten "kill" to someone. Well, except that one time…

When I was about 13, my mom's sister and her husband came to visit for the night. They were traveling across the country to move to another state and took a pit stop at our place for the night. My parents had to go to a week long conference that day and wouldn't be able to see them so they told me to take care of everything and if I needed extra help with anything, to just go next door to Dean and Sam and ask them to help out.

When they arrived, I warmly welcomed them and showed them to the guest room. My mom had cooked before she left so dinner was already ready by the time my relatives got here. Everything was fine that day…up until I started washing the dishes. My aunt already went to bed, tired from the long trip while her husband stayed in the kitchen grabbing a few drinks, reading the newspaper. But out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him staring at me. At first, I figured it was nothing. I just assumed he missed his own daughter whom he hadn't seen in a while and saw her in me. Or I thought maybe he was just admiring the fact that my parents raised me well with the way I was washing the dishes without being told and stuff. I had a feeling I was wrong about the surfacing situation but I still refused to believe there was more to it than that. But I guess being 13, I was naïve.

Now, nothing too horrible happened to me. Let's just say it could've been worse, a lot worse. I guess he took one too many beers and he didn't really know what he was doing when he started to hit me. Well, I guess I could've stopped it from happening and fight back or at least _try_ defend myself as he held a death grip on me. But once again, like I said, being 13, naïve, and too innocent, I just took it. I guess also, 'cause I was stupid. My parents had always raised me to respect my elders no matter what, so I figured this was "no matter what." It wasn't bad. Like I mentioned earlier, it could've been a lot worse. But thankfully, after a while, he passed out. As soon as he did, and as soon as I somewhat got a hold of myself again from the shock, I quietly went next door. Uncle John was out of town so Dean answered the door. And when he did, complete and total shock replaced the look on his face as he saw me. It wasn't bad…just a split lip and a cut above my right eye and a few bruises and soreness here and there.

Dean cleaned me up a bit while Sam helped. I grimaced and gritted my teeth as the alcohol pressed against my open wound and the pack of ice touched my fresh bruises. I was so sore all throughout my body. Dean asked me what happened. I was a bit hesitant to tell him, knowing exactly what he would do or imagine doing, but then I figured he probably already had an idea. So I told him. I explained to them what I was kinda sensing but chose to ignore; then I told them what had happened. I couldn't hold back the tears. They just wouldn't stop coming. At first, Dean just cradled me in his arms as I wept – I couldn't stop shaking. Sam held my hand, soothingly stroking it, trying to calm me down. This was another example of how Sam, although younger than me, still felt older. They always found a way to make me feel safe.

Once I calmed down a bit, Dean passed me on to Sam. I heard him say "I'm gonna kill him," and started to storm out the house but I rushed over to him and grabbed his arm. I pleaded with him not to go to anything. I tried reasoning with him, trying to find a way to stop him, so I told him that my aunt's husband wasn't himself; it was the beer. He said that that was a poor excuse for beating a kid, especially me. I knew he was right, but still, I couldn't let him do it. I told him that there was no point in beating him up now anyway since he was passed out, but then Dean said that he would beat him until he regained consciousness and beat him some more 'til he lost consciousness again. I saw Dean's determination to beat the crap out of him despite my excuses. Neither he nor Sam could understand why I was defending him. And honestly, I couldn't either, but I still did it. When I knew all my other excuses failed to change his mind, I just resorted to begging, pleading, and crying. I sank to the floor and wrapped my arms around myself, not knowing what to do anymore. Sam and Dean then cradled me in their arms again until I fell asleep, but not before I made them promise not to go after my aunt's husband.

The next morning, I went back to my house before my aunt and her husband woke up. Dean heard me get up and stopped me to ask where I was going. I told him. He asked me if I was crazy and why the heck would I go back there after what happened last night. I know it was a stupid reason but I told him I had to make sure they got everything they needed – didn't leave anything behind. He looked at me like I was crazy, but what could I do? They were still my family…

I promised Dean I'd be okay and I'd be quick. I was just gonna make sure they packed everything up. My aunt's husband acted like nothing ever happened. I don't know if it was an act or if he really didn't remember but I chose not to think about it. I just let them out the door and watched them drive off. I saw Dean watching them leave too, and the look on his face was frightening. When I saw him come out of the house I knew what he wanted to do and I stopped him. I knew that it took everything in him to listen to me and not give him a good beating, but I told him that he made me a promise. At first he said that he made that promise to me last night indicating that the deal was gone already but I got him to listen to me. Thankfully, neither my aunt nor her husband saw Dean. They just drove off. Once they were out of sight, I sighed deeply, relieved, and ended up breaking down again as Dean comforted me.

My parents never knew about what happened. They were gone for a week so by the time they got back, the cut on my face and my split lip had healed. But ever since then, Dean and Sam had always been extra brotherly-like to me…especially Dean. The guy barely kept his eyes off of me whenever I'd be somewhere with him and Sam. I'd disappear for a second and he'd begin to panic, afraid that something had happened to me. Then when he found me again he'd be really upset that I left them without saying anything. A few times it really pissed me off. I felt like I had no life anymore because it was always being controlled and supervised by him but I know it was only cause they both loved and cared for me so much. So even though it sucked, I couldn't blame them. It was a good thing. It made me feel safer.

ANYWAYS, my main point from that really, really, really long tangent is that there is no freaking way Dean could have ever tortured or killed anyone like that article I found said. He'd NEVER do anything like that…unless he really felt that he or someone he loved were being badly threatened. But even then, I still don't think he could do something like that. He's smarter than that. I know with him, family means everything and he wouldn't think twice about defending those he loved. But torture??? Heck no! It wouldn't be humane. I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't. Not Dean. No way.

I tried to look up more info about him and Sam after that. I knew that whatever was going on, he couldn't be doing it alone. The last time Sam and I talked, he mentioned that he and Dean weren't really tight anymore. They drifted apart. Dean was always on the road with Uncle John so they barely had time to even speak. And as far as Sam and Uncle John went, well, they weren't exactly on speaking terms either. They've always had a rough relationship. I can kinda see why though.

I never saw it myself because I was still a baby when it happened, but my parents told me that Uncle John became different after Aunt Mary died. But come on, could you blame him? I'm sure my parents would've been different too if one of them had died. But my parents said, with him, it was different. He started becoming obsessed with hunting. He got too obsessed with it that he barely had time for his own sons, which was why the boys stayed mostly at my house growing up. John's relationship with Dean changed too. My parents said that before Mary died, the two of them were so close – like they were best friends. But like they said, it all changed. They said they also noticed Dean changing too, but in a good way, if you can call it that. My parents said that because of John's lack of being a parent, Dean was forced to take up the role. He was forced to grow up too fast and be not only a brother and protector to Sam, but also a father. He knew and did things kids his age shouldn't know how to do yet. He was only a kid, yet he knew so much about life. He was forced to have that kind of knowledge in order to be able to take care of his little brother. Of course my parents were always there for the both of them too, but Sam was his blood and Dean took it upon himself to make it his duty to always look out for Sammy.

But anyways, I kept going online for a while, trying to get updates of the info in St. Louis. I did find one thing that shocked me though, actually two shocking things. First, I found out that the last victim was Rebecca Warren. I wasn't sure if this was the same Rebecca Warren Sam had talked to me about before but when I found out she had survived, thank God, I set out to find out if it was her. I never actually talked to her before so I didn't have her number nor any other way of finding out if this was Sammy's friend, but I was determined to find a way. I just kept up with all the updates regarding the situation. I found out it was her after the news had announced that she was from Stanford and that her brother, who also went to Stanford, was imprisoned earlier for being charged for killing his girlfriend. So far, all the murders that had taken place had all the same M.O. but different killers. What?! When I heard that, I thought it was crazy. I couldn't believe it. I remembered Sam talking to me about them before and he always said how great friends they were and I trust Sam's judgment. None of it made any sense. But then, it got even crazier. About a week later, they said that Zach Warren was released from prison. The tapes that previously had sealed his fate were now being thrown out, saying that they had been tampered with in order to frame him. I was glad that Zach and Rebecca were okay now but none of it still made any sense. It was all too crazy.

Seriously, throughout this whole incident, my eyes were glued to either the television or the internet. I was always on the ball with it, following and keeping up with each update. Soon, the press finally gave the last bit of update on the incident. The cops admitted their mistake for imprisoning Zach and said he wasn't the killer. Along with that, the press also released a photo online of the person behind all the murders. I was actually surprised they did that. I don't think they were supposed to because I don't think they're allowed to show pictures of dead people on the air, but they did this one. But that wasn't what shocked me. Then the real shocker came when I saw who the dead killer was. I was at the public library using their computer when I got this info. And seriously, I yelled "HECK NO!" after I saw that the dead guy was Dean. I didn't mean for it to come like that but it did and I ended up in trouble. Guess I forgot about the whole quiet rule when you're in the library. But seriously, I was like "What the heck?" I couldn't believe it.

I know I had seen it with my own eyes but I just couldn't believe it. One, Dean would NEVER kill anyone. And two, that was just **CRAZY**! I couldn't believe it. And I wouldn't. I was determined to find out more…find out the truth. There had to be more to it than that. But I did notice one thing. He wasn't wearing his necklace. I know, I know. Probably not exactly a concrete reason to not believe that the killer was him but still, for as long as I had known Dean, and I knew him a really long time, he had never taken that necklace off ever since Uncle John had given it to him. I mean he even took a shower with it on. Don't ask me how I know that. That'd be an even longer story, and heck no, it wasn't because I was with him taking a shower. So get your mind out of the freaking gutter! But I took that as a reason not to believe that the dead guy was him. Now I know someone, like the cops, could've taken it off when the picture was taken for evidence. But still, a part of me wouldn't believe he was dead. This was Dean we were talking about…my brother, my best friend, my protector, and my secret crush and lover.

I kept on with my research, but after a while, I found nothing whatsoever. Nothing. I eventually gave up on the research but I never gave up on the fact that Dean was dead. I wouldn't take no for an answer. He was alive and safe somewhere. He wasn't dead. Another thing that reassured me was that Sam never called me. And as much as I wished that he or Dean would call, I took the no-calling as a sign that Dean was alive. I have no doubt that if something had happened to one of them, the other would let me know. Well, in this case, something did happen but not bad enough to let me know. So I guess I was cool with it. I just knew in my heart that they were both fine. I know that they had to be together. And nothing on the news or whatever popped up about Sam. Everything was fine…it had to be.

I admit, for years, I was worried. I still worry about them every now and then too. But I know that if they knew that I was always constantly worried about them or thinking about them to the point I wasn't living my life like the way I should, they'd be disappointed. Growing up, that talk came up a couple times. Like I said, the three of us were practically siblings so we talked about it together. We had told each other that no matter what happened to any of us, good or bad, our main goal and the main thing we'd always want for each other was happiness. None of us wanted the other living their lives in grief and we made each other a promise that we'd never be like that. That despite our grief, we wouldn't live in it. We told each other that no matter where we were, near or far, alive or dead, that we would always be together, if not physically, in spirit. They'd always be watching over me to the end – til the next lifetime.

I took comfort in that memory. I was reminded about our love for each other again. And from that moment on, I chose not to let anything keep me from being happy. Yeah, I was worried about them, I wanted to know what they were up to, if they were alive. But if that's all I thought about, I'd lose the new friends and loved ones I had right now. But not matter what, I would always love them and look forward to the day I could see them again face to face. I just held on to that. And from there, I went on.

A couple more years went by. I thought about them some more from time to time, but I was happy. I was living my life the way each of us wanted us to live it – happily. I had so many friends who loved me and whom I loved just as much. We worked together, hung out together, ate together, watched movies together – both guys and girls. Not many of my friends knew that much about Sam or Dean. I guess apart of me wanted to keep them to myself. They were my brothers, my family. And I guess the other part of me just didn't want those feelings of grief to surface again so I kept it to myself. But a few of my friends did know…but not everything.

Life was getting back to normal again. I was beginning to be as happy as I was before the boys left my life. I knew that it could never reach that same height of happiness because those guys were apart of me. They were the ones who completed me, and made my life whole. But even though it wouldn't get to that point, I'd let it get as close as I could let it. And it got pretty close.

But then it got even closer…

Some close friends of mine and I were hanging out together again at a large local Starbucks. We were sitting in one of the circular tables there laughing and joking with one another and having the time of our lives. I was in a relationship now, too. (Was that bad?) We had been together for a little over a year. Nothing too serious yet. Just sticking to the dating and hanging out.

Anyways, we were all together, chilling like we usually do. My friend in front of me was telling us a hilarious story about one of her recent experiments dating. Nothing bad though. But she stopped in the middle of her story and began staring behind me. Seriously, the look on her face was pretty funny. She looked mesmerized. As soon as she stopped, it seemed as if her jaw would practically fall to the ground. She looked like she was about to drool too. I didn't know why though. But then I noticed my one other friend looked mesmerized too and smiling widely. I was thinking what the heck? I asked them if they were alright and what the heck they were looking at. As soon as I did, I heard someone say something behind me.

"Samantha Riley Davies."

I was sipping on my Java Chip Frappuccino when I heard my name spoken and I swear I almost choked on my straw. I practically felt my heart skip a beat. My mouth dropped. I recognized the voice instantly. There was no way I could ever forget it. I slowly turned around as my friends followed my gaze.

"Dean?!"


	7. Chapter 7

I was still sitting on my chair with my body turned toward him. My mouth dropped open and I looked at him, tears beginning to surface from joy.

I stared at him for a moment, still having a hard time believing that Dean Winchester was really standing in front of me after so many years. I was speechless...I was happy...I was…I guess as I described my friends previously, mesmerized by his presence. I couldn't believe it.

I must've stared at him longer that I thought because after a while, the smug grin that was on his face previously when he first said my name soon turned into an awkward smile as I guess, I made him a bit uncomfortable.

"So, uh, you just going to keep sitting there and stare at me or are you going to hug me?"

For a second, I felt embarrassed for making him feel uncomfortable. I mean, it was awkward enough that my group of friends was staring at both of us the whole time, but I hadn't meant to make it more awkward. But as I said, it was only for a second. Because a second after I felt embarrassed he grinned smugly again and opened his arms, awaiting a hug, knowing that I really wanted to hug him so bad. I mean come on, it'd been ages since I last saw him. Of course I was going to hug him.

But I swear, after that smug grin, I was so tempted to just leave him hanging because I knew what his smug grin meant. It meant he knew how much I had missed him and how happy I was to see him. I knew he could see right through me…and for that, I wanted to embarrass him even more for his smug grin.

So I paused for a second, almost looking irritated at his arrogance. Then his face softened almost saying 'are you serious?' He began to frown, dropping his once open arms. I think I made him think I was angry with him for being gone for so long without letting me know how he and Sam were doing. (Honestly, I wasn't too sure myself yet. At the moment, I was just so freakin' happy to see him.) But anyways, once he began to do that, I grinned widely and leaped off my seat into his embrace. It was almost like I could actually hear him smile as we swayed a little as our embrace grew tighter.

"How've you been, Riley?" he asked me once we finally stopped hugging, though his hands were still grasping my elbows as he looked at me. "You look good," he added with a smile.

I have to admit that I actually blushed when he said told me that. And well, I never blush. Or at least if I did, I would definitely hide it well. But I don't know, maybe it was the years not seeing him that suddenly made me into a girlish girl the moment I saw him.

"Thanks," I answered, still blushing. I broke eye contact with him for a moment because I knew that if I didn't, I seriously might go weak at the knees. I don't know…somehow, seeing him again for the first time in so long just made me feel like I was falling in love with him all over again; but I knew it couldn't happen. "I've been good. Great," I continued with a smile. "How about you and Sam?"

"We're good too."

We looked at one another again for a brief moment when I was brought back to reality from the sound of my boyfriend subtly and uncomfortably clearing his throat. We both turned back towards my friends. And once again, I turned red, embarrassed.

"Um, guys, this is my best friend from a long time ago. Dean," I told them. "Dean, these are my friends." 

He smiled politely and waved. "Nice to meet you guys." 

"And um, Dean," I said, turning towards Jason, "this is my boyfriend, Jason. Jason, Dean."

They both smiled and shook hands, both saying "nice to meet you."

Honestly, I expected it to be awkward because I wasn't too sure how Jason would react to actually meeting my guy best friend. I mean I told him a little bit about Dean before but I hadn't really ever expected for them to meet and I figured it'd be a bit awkward when they did. But surprisingly, it wasn't. At least initially… 


	8. Chapter 8

After Starbucks, we all pretty much parted ways, going to our own respective homes. Dean said goodbye to the rest of my friends while me and Jason walked together to the parking lot. As we did, questions were asked back and forth, basically the two of them doing the asking while I also gave my input occasionally.

When we reached the parking lot, immediately Jason got a look at Dean's most treasured Impala. As soon as he did, the two of them switched into that whole macho, can-talk-about-cars-all-day jargon crap. And as much as I enjoyed the fact that Jason and Dean seemed to be getting along and liked each other, I also have to say, man was that boring and annoying! 

Basically, when one of them would glance back at me occasionally as they talked about the Impala, I just forced out a polite smile, when in reality, I pretty much zoned out the moment Dean said "Yup, she's my baby," which I couldn't help but roll my eyes to. And then well, their conversation got really sappy about "her" from there. The two grown men refering to the Impala as a "her" as if it or "she" were Dean's girlfriend is something I don't think I'll ever grasp.

Anyways, once they FINALLY finished all that car jargon, Dean said he'd be heading back to the motel he and Sam were staying at. I have to admit, I really, really, really didn't want to part ways with him just then. I mean, come on, how could I? This was my best friend - practically my brother - whom I haven't seen in years. And I felt like just seeing him for that short of a period inside that cafe sucked. I didn't want to see him go, especially since I didn't even have any idea where he and Sam had been all this time.

So, as if he read my mind or was at least thinking the same thing, he told me what motel he was staying at and asked me if the three of us - Me, him and Sam - would like to catch up some more later. Heck yeah I wanted to go! But at the same time, I wasn't really sure what was going through Jason's head just then. So when Dean asked me, though I was screaming yes inside, I was feeling a bit awkward outwardly, especially since Jason was right there.

But once again, as if the man himself could read my thoughts, he then turned to Jason and basically asked him for permission, making sure it wouldn't be awkward for either of us. I swear, sometimes I feel like these Winchesters are really in my head - they can always see right through me. And well, in this case, I'm grateful.

After pretty much repeating what he asked me to Jason, he concluded it with, "That is, if that's alright with you that me and my brother borrow her for a little bit." Then he smiled that irresistible smile - the kind of smile that would make pretty much every girl he came across go weak at the knees. (Obviously it wasn't irresistible to Jason, because if he felt the same way those other girls felt about Dean's smile, then we'd have a BIG problem!) But though it wasn't irresistible, it was still a sincere, polite smile.

As he waited patiently for Jason's answer, Dean turned his attention back to me, smiling back at me with that same, adorable smile. I couldn't help but smile back, amazed at just how well he knew me, therefore choosing to help me escape from a moment of awkwardness.

I had to break eye contact with him for a moment for fear that I really may fall in love with him all over again as I felt my knees tremble. I looked to Jason and waited for a response.

Actually, it didn't even take long for him to answer. He didn't even hesitate saying that it was completely alright with him. I guess from the little I've told him about Dean and Sam in the past to what he's learned about them now through his questions, he could tell that the relationship that I seemed to have with Dean and Sam was very rare - different. And I guess he felt like he had no right to stand in the way of that, knowing that the relationship I had with them and the relationship I shared with him were on a different level. And neither level could replace the other.

The one thing that I've learned to admire most about Jason is his unwavering trust in out relationship. He's the kind of guy that, though I may have close guy friends, would never feel threatened by those friendships. Pure trust. And I did the same for him.

And although I know how much he trusts me, I must say I was still a tad bit surprised when he agreed to let me catch up with the boys without any hint of hesitation on his part. He said that he knows how much I treasure the friendships I have and knew that me and the guys definitely had a lot of catching up to do.

I couldn't help but feel all sappy about his words. (haha, i'm suck a dork!)

Anyways, he told me that if I needed a ride back to my apartment to just give him a call. But Dean made it clear that it was completely no problem for him to drop me off himself, that way we wouldn't interrupt any of his evening plans.

They both smiled at each other again, pleased each other's consideration for one another. I guess maybe that was what also drew me to Jason in the first place. He too, like Dean, was different from most guys I've come across. Though he didn't exactly have the same physical features as Dean, he did have the same qualities - tough when he felt threatened but gentle towards those he loved. A protector of those whom he really loved and cared for. Though I must say, he didn't have the same mouth Dean had, considering Dean could be pretty vicious with sarcasm that you just wanna smack him upside his head. But all the same, who could resist a guy (or guys) like that?

Jason and I said our goodbyes with a peck on the cheek and said we'd see each other tomorrow. Dean smiled and nodded before opening the passenger side of the car and waited for me to get in.

I rolled my eyes at the cheesy smile he was giving me, knowing full well that if Jason wasn't around he would be as gentleman-like as he was being. He was being watched, therefore, he had to watch his actions toward me.

He shut the door and I waved at Jason as he waved back. Through the door, I heard Jason tell him to "Take care of her," followed by a "She's a fragile little thing, ain't she?" from Dean. Then Dean came inside.

"Man, he is so whipped," Dean said with a laugh as we drove off.

"He is not," I said in defense.

He laughed even harder. "Whatever, Riley. Come on, man, we both know how you have him wrapped around your finger. All I had to do was just observe him for as little as I did today to figure it out."

"Whatever," I muttered, not exactly sure if I was offended or just annoyed that he was saying that about Jason.

And yet for a third time, it seems like Dean knew how I felt.

"He good to you, though?" he asked, his tone all serious, somewhat apologetic for his previous remark.

"What?" I turned back to him, surprised by the question.

"He's good to you though, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, he is," I smiled.

Dean looked at me, smiling, and nodded as if in approval before turning hit attention back on the road.

"Good," he said softly before momentarily adding, "See? Told you he was whipped," he smirked.

"He is not!" I said in defense again, this time smacking him in the arm.

He just laughed.

I knew he was just messing, or then again, maybe he wasn't. Sometimes you just can't tell with Dean. But there was one thing I was certain of - he only asked me that because he cared. I saw it in his eyes. 

Though we hadn't seen each other in years, it made me really happy to know that he still cared about me as much as he did back then. I was happy. And though I have no idea why I even cared about whether he approved of Jason or not, I was happy that he did approve of him and that they seemed to get along.

But there was still one thing that couldn't top all the happiness I felt that day 

NOTHING could ever replace the happiness that I felt knowing at that very moment, that my best friend was back - that my brother and my protector was back.


End file.
